At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
