I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
