Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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