i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I checked into jail on foursquare
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Green mimosas i think yes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize