New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
