For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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