I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
