i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize