I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
