Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
