margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
