Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
