I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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