Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
