I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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