My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
