He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
