I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
