After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
