i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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