Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize