walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
