Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
