you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
