you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
