Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
