this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
