this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
