just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i've created a new STD.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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