So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
