Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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