i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
