my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a search helicopter?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
