You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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