idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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