Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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