I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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