wakey wakey hands off snakey
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
