The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
