I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You've changed since you got that strap on
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
