we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
