He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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