That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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