I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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