He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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