Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
