Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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