There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
