she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
