she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
