could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
