I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
