It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
