I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
