He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
