dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
