Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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