Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
