i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
