Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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