There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
