if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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