I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
