my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
