WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
