I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize