3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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