This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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