i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
