Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize